If I were President of the world...

Okay so I feel like a big rant, so sue me. Aha! There would be the first thing to go. Suing. Take away that over indulged crutch of the masses that wish to blame everyone but themselves.
"I became overweight because I ate too much food."
"I got lung cancer because I smoked cigarettes."'
"I am an uncoordinated lackwit and wish to sue you over your perfectly flat unimpeded surface that I fell over."
"Amazingly, upon sticking my head in a band saw, I no longer retained the ability to think." Not that said person had a great penchant for overabundant thinking in the first place.

It's ridiculous. I hate it. And I hate the fact that Australia is happily trotting after America like some overanxious puppy with lemming tendencies. A litigious society run wholly on fear and trepidation of the person standing next to you. Not only might that person be a terrorist but he might sue you for passive smoking, blocking his sun therefore leading to vitamin deficiencies, owning a mobile phone, looking at him funny, pervasive iconism of his perceived deity of choice etc.

One perfect example of this is when I was managing a bar and one of the new staff complained about the smoke. I was dumbfounded. What did she think she would find in here? Placid twenty-somethings sipping carrot juice and eating cucumber sandwiches whilst playing gin rummy? Fresh cool air being pumped in from the alpine slopes of Gutenberg? I mean PLEASE! IT'S A PUB!!

Scaffold Rigger. First day on the job. "I'm not sure about all these heights?"
Garbage man (sorry, person). " Bloody horrible smell. Didn't think it would be so smelly. I might catch something!"
Politician. "People keep photographing me and writing down the words I say!"
Train driver. "This thing goes awful fast. I might crash and be killed!" (Obviously this is not a Sydney Train Driver as they are hard pressed to find the cabin let alone make a train go)

There is danger in every profession, circumstance, love affair, shopping expedition, sporting activity, sleeping pattern, marriage, divorce, incarceration, growing up, growing old, hobby, bath, shower, cooking adventure, relaxation exercise, night in, night out and sitting still. It's been said before but the one thing that is certain in life is that, one day, you're not gonna have much of it, in fact none at all.

Now I realize that keeping one's limbs and head attached in vaguely the same place in beneficial to most (cue class action by Amputees Against Humour, acronym AAH), and that continued health is a high priority on most peoples "to do" list but going for a job in a pub and then complaining that people were drunk and unruly and had the audacity to smoke is tantamount to intentional idiocy. I felt like suing her for making false pretences in her interview claiming that she was a rational human being with a firm grasp on reality.

As President of the World I will make it mandatory that everyone to turn to the person next to them and shout at the top of their lungs:

"I AM A HUMAN BEING AND THEREFORE FALLIBLE. I ADMIT AND ADMIRE THE FACT THAT ONE DAY I SHALL MAKE A MISTAKE, IF NOT MANY, AND THAT PEOPLE AROUND ME ARE GOING TO DO THE SAME. I AM TOTALLY OPEN TO ALL LITIGATION AS I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF, MY ACTIONS AND THE CONTINUED ENJOYMENT OF MY LIFE."

Now if everyone said that, then everyone could sue everyone and get it out of their systems. Life would trundle merrily forward and saying "Oops. That was silly of me. Oh well" would creep it's way back into the vernacular of the human race.

Then we would kill all the lawyers.